Arizona Green Tea Bedroom

My daughter wanted her room painted differently. We moved in about 5 years ago and I painstakingly painted each kids room exactly how they wanted. They are really cool rooms! But she was in the third grade then, and now she’s 13 in the eighth. Even I have to admit the room was too young and princessy for her. Jazz's Old Room

But, for the past three years, I had a crappier paying job than I had when we moved in and I couldn’t afford our bills, let alone to re-do her room. But now I have the best job ever, and I have more time and money to do things, so I asked her how she wanted her room done. All I could say to her response was:

Not ImpressedReally?

 

Arizona Green Tea. That. Was her answer.

And so it began.

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And the finale!!! At least for the mural part…

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As if that wasn’t enough, we decided that the carpet in her room needs to go! So we did this!

 

This is some serious girl power! Tomorrow we lay down the laminate and we will feel like the baddest bitches in town! Please hit me up if you want to commission a mural of your own! Maybe a giant Sun Rise Sushi Logo or your favorite sports team logo in the living room! Er, uhhh, I mean the man cave?  Go to my Murals page for pricing. Updates on the floor soon to come!

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Today I pushed you from me. 


  

For the second time in history.

In reality I can’t count how many times I’ve pushed you out.

But this time…

Oh this time it’s as sweet as it’s been bitter.

Cuz you’ll think of me too as time grows thicker.

Waiting on the Other Side

  Are you there? 

On the other side?

Watching me? Waiting?

I’m lonely.

Slowly returning to normalcy.

No longer hiding and scared.

Still can’t eat much.

Can’t sit down much.

I walk around sighing

playing with my hair

touching my face

hugging myself.

One second smiling,

The next I’m dying.

I’m a twitterpated tween.

Shake it off

Check my phone

My inbox is safely,

despairingly…empty.

Love songs are no longer meaningless, but tragic.

Attempting to push emotions

& crackling chemistry asside

Trying to bring back logic 

In order to decide.

Think RATIONAL thoughts Jeanette!

Reality is rarely like our fantasies.

Don’t jump in blind.

(Self Portrait by JETTE 1997)

Jump Start an Artist

Well lookie here!! I may not be making tons of cash but I got featured in a national publication! It’s pretty cool to see my designs in print! Especially InStore which I have been reading and browsing through since I started my apprenticeship in 2008. The designs shown are all ones I had done prior to getting this job. I would love so much to be able to make that scarabesque ladybug into a real ring. The blue wax that is pictured was for a lady who got her wedding band before she got her engagement ring (weird, but cool for me!). She had me design a sturdy ring for her big diamond to match her band. She works with her hands a lot and wanted something heavy. Here’s how it turned out in the end:

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The angel is the first wax I ever carved. It was a gift for my mother in memory of my niece. It will forever be a treasure to me and my family, and the author of the article is right, I had drawn a picture of her that the piece is based off of long before she died, and before I ever dreamed I’d be a jeweler!

Erin when she was little.

   Erin when she was little.

Erin a few weeks before she passed.

   Erin a few weeks before she passed.

My drawing of her.

  My drawing of her.

Hand carved, cast and finished Sterling Silver necklace in memory of Erin.

Hand carved, cast and finished Sterling Silver necklace in memory of Erin.

I thought since I hadn’t designed anything in CAD before the information was submitted for publication that I’d share a few designs that I have done in the last few weeks and haven’t shared yet. Enjoy!

Rose gold and colored diamond necklace centerpiece.

Rose gold and colored diamond necklace centerpiece.

Rose gold and colored diamond ring.

Rose gold and colored diamond ring.

Androgynous ring. Can be a man's wedding band or a man or woman's right hand fashion ring.

Androgynous ring. Can be a man’s wedding band or a man or woman’s right hand fashion ring.

Scroll pattern ring.

Scroll pattern ring.

Please Pray

I have to share! I’ve been worried and wondering how on earth I’m going to get my bills payed and how I’m going to get me and my girls to K-Con this year. I PROMISED them I’d do whatever I could to get us there, but then I lost my job. I’ve been struggling hard. My new job barely covers the bills and I’m behind from being unemployed for two weeks. But PRAISE GOD, a friend just called and said she needs a muralist here in town for the month of June and I can do it after work and on my weekends! If the business owner accepts her bid it’ll be a $10,000 job! I don’t know what my share will be but I bet it’ll get us to K-Con so I won’t have to break my kid’s hearts! Please pray he accepts the bid and that I can get it done in a timely and professional manner without burning myself out? Thanks! Love you all!!!!!

Spring Inspired Jewelry Fashion

I promised in my last post to share my line of spring inspired designs and I know you have all been waiting with baited breath to see them! Here they are in all their wondrous glory!

Blue Flowers

“Blue Flowers” features a beautiful blue diamond set in a sleekly rounded white gold bezel with flower embellishments. It is simple and classy, but oh so eye catching!

Green Diamond Line1

“Green Glory” features a fantastic deep green diamond set in a green gold bezel with green gold flower embellishments.

Green Diamond Line2

I love this ring! From the yellow cushion cut center diamond to the mix of green and white gold, “Sunny Meadows” screams springtime!

Green Diamond Line3

The elegant, clean lines of this mixture of green and rose golds and the use of both the deep green center diamond and the apple green side diamonds make “Primavera Verde” an excellent choice for your spring wardrobe.

Pink Lace

I’ve become a huge fan of combining big luscious pink gems with gorgeous rose gold. “Pink Lace” is just simple enough to be classically elegant, but the large Morganite gemstone and “lacey” gallery make this ring a stunner!

Purple Flowers

Ever seen a purple diamond? Talk about a conversation piece! “Fiori Viola” is a beautiful blend of light and dark purple diamonds in a stylish, wide, rose gold band.

Two Tone Depth Pink

This piece is full of depth and dimension. With an oval cut, bezel set, pink diamond that seems to float within a deep gallery of  rose gold lace frame in white gold, “Fluers en Dentelle” is truly unique and absolutely beautiful.

Two tone depth simple pink

Sometimes less is more, as is the case with “Morning Glory”. It is simple and understated with just enough contrast between the sleek lines of  white gold and the organic curves of rose gold peeking out on either side of the pink center diamond to make it stand out.

Yellow Vine

“Soleil et Vignes” is my absolute favorite! I ADORE Yellow and green. They brighten everything from the room to my mood especially when I see them poking up out of the ground after a long winter! This ring features an oval cut fancy yellow diamond with two K color pear shaped diamond accents set in green gold bezels on a rose gold split shank with green gold vine embellishments. Sigh… I’m so glad spring is here!

For these and many more designs visit http://www.bvwjewelers.com

GD Inspired Jewelry Design

So, today, instead of complaining about my current effed up money situation and general hopelessness, I thought I’d post something I’m grateful for. See, even though the pay kinda sucks for now and the hours are keeping me from home, family and art, I’m actually enjoying my time at this new job and I’m learning a lot about the jewelry business that I wasn’t learning at my previous well-paying but boring and frustrating jeweler’s position. Plus, even though it’s keeping me from painting, drawing, and sculpting, and since they don’t have a laser welder, I can’t do any actual jeweling yet, it is still providing me with a creative outlet. I am learning how to design jewelry digitally on a pretty basic but still awesome program. I have to admit it’s been quite fun! I’ve been using my current obsession with a certain K-Pop Idol “cough..GD..cough” as inspiration.

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He’s such a talented and beautifully creative man and his use of symbols in his work makes inspiration easy. Here are a few of the designs I created with him in mind.Apple Pendant Men's Apple Ring1

The apple on the left is a digital rendering I created with the intent to smooth out the ridges and add some findings to make it into a single dangle earring about 8mm in diameter. This and the one on the right are both symbolic of G-Dragon’s Heartbreaker and Cou D’etat eras with the apple symbol, and the eight flush set diamonds in the shape of a heart. I also had Proverbs 25 in mind while creating these.

Then there are the Evil Eyes! LOL! I’ve never actually seen GD wearing them, but I know he would love them! My new bosses were joking that I’d need an evil eye to ward off their bad influences while working there so I created some! They think I was joking by making them but I was only half joking. I’d totally rock these if I could afford them! What do you guys think of these? Would you wear them?

Evil Eye4 Evil Eye2 Evil Eye1

Which one is your favorite? I like them all, but I think the last two are my faves and I think the first one is more of a man’s ring, though any of them can be unisex. They are very Boho Chic and Urban Edge if you ask me, and if enough interest is shown, I’d love to make some cool earrings and pendants to match them.

The smiley face ring is self explanatory if you know anything about Mr. Kwon Jiyong, but if you’re not familiar with the Big Bang front-man, here is an explanatory pic and the ring I designed:

2ebx45t        Men's Smiley Ring

Note the smiley tattoo on his hand :).

Then there’ this androgynous, kinda Urban Industrial looking one that was inspired by rings I’ve seen him wearing before:

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I love this ring so much! The bosses did too and are going to order it to be made up from the manufacturer and we’ll set the diamonds in it to see how it sells. They are also getting a silver prototype of the apple dangle. I kinda wish we could get a gold one, but Reno isn’t exactly the jewelry fashion hub of the world and it will be difficult to sell unless word spreads to bigger markets. A girl can dream right? I mean all I do all day is create! I would love to get some of these ordered for anyone out there in cyberland who wants one. If you do, hit me up at http://www.bvwjewelers.com and we can make that happen. I can modify any of the designs you see here or I could design something from scratch just for you if you prefer. Ask for Jeanette! I would love it if you hit me up on the BVW Jewelers Instagram or Facebook page and look through some of the owner, Britten’s designs. He’s also a seriously talented designer and jeweler. I’m really lucky to be able to learn from him out of all the jewelers in this town. He really is the best and I feel blessed to be there. The harder I work, and the more business I bring them, the more they will be able to pay me and the more I’ll be able to catch up on everything financially. I also have an Instgram page called ARTISTJETTE that I would be honored for you to follow.

I guess I should note that I don’t own any of the images I’ve shared of G-Dragon on this post and he has nothing to do with me or the store I work at except that he truly is an inspiration to me. I would die if he wore any of my designs! You can help me there too by tagging him in my design photos on Instagram till he sees them.

I have more designs that just came from me and were inspired by spring and my own taste in jewelry, but I’ll save those for another post.

Please leave a comment and tell me what you think and which design is your favorite? It would help me know what will sell and what won’t so I know which direction to take my designs. Thanks y’all, you are so special and encouraging to me! Be blessed!

Trials.

Man. Things were starting to look up. I have a new job that I like despite the fact that I just want to stay home and make art and raise my kids and garden and work out. The pay sucks, but I don’t mind being there if I can’t be home, and I always say, “Some money is better than no money”. I missed two weeks pay looking for the new job and then I got SUPER sick a week into the job. I missed half a days work and it took about a month to feel almost normal again. I feel like all I’ve done in a month is work, sleep, eat a little and write on here when I’m awake. I’ve been so discouraged. I’m so far behind on the mortgage and bills I really don’t know what to do. My outlook was brightening with healing and reading positive messages, praying and trying my damnedest to be happy and forgiving toward my husband. I thought we had one last option to at least catch up on the mortgage if not the credit card bills and that was our tax return. Problem is, the ex-boss put the two months pay from this year on my 1099 so it looks like I made 6Gs more than I did, and then there’s the penalty for not having insurance last year despite having tried to apply through the faulty Nevada website three different times. I still don’t think the lady did the taxes right, but if she did, then we won’t get as much back as the fee is for the tax prep. So we’ll end up farther in debt. IDK what the hell is going on. I’m defeated. It’s my boys ninth birthday on the 11th and he keeps reminding me how many days away it is. I see absolutely no way to catch up on the credit cards, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to catch up on the mortgage. What will I tell the kids if they take our house? Where will we live that’s cheaper? How would we even come up with a deposit to rent a place? I pushed all my friends away. I don’t want to talk to any of them. We left our church for unrelated reasons and never clicked at the new one. Haven’t been in months. I’m so lost. I know I’m supposed to count it all joy when I encounter trials, but I don’t know how to be joyful right now. I know we won’t die, and I’m making the willful decision to trust God, but it’s not really bringing me any peace.

Pathetic Mid Life Musings

I think about you a lot lately. Things like what I would say to you if ever we meet. Oh I do realize how pathetic it is. I ponder that all the time too, like, why YOU? Of all people, really, it has to be you? It’s absolutely the dumbest thing that I could possibly be thinking about. I think it’s an escape. I CAN’T think about the disaster that is my life, so I fantasize instead I guess. Just like I was 13 again…but I’m not.

It was my 13 year old daughter that introduced me to you, which tells you right there how stupid I’m being. At first I hated you, all of you. I’d roll my eyes at her and and barely be able to endure the videos. They were obnoxious! They aren’t even in English! Well, maybe a phrase here and there, but that was even more maddening! The camera never stays in one place long enough and it makes me dizzy trying to focus on one guy when it switches so fast and pans around and everyone’s dancing, but the scenes are changing. It was just too much and you all looked the same except for the crazy hair styles and bright colors which at first were the only way I could tell any of you apart. The outfits are terribly tacky and pretentious, and the drama was SO pre-teen over-mellow! I’d actually laugh, and sometimes still do at how good you all are at being emotional for the camera and all your screaming heartbroken fans.

But then something changed. I picked you and one other absolutely stunning man out just for the sake of picking because my daughter seemed to think that everyone should have a “bias” or two, or three. I picked him for his perfect face, but I picked you because you were endearing. You have such a sweet face and you move in a way that is…different from anyone else. You carry your little self with an air of…something. You seem small but you are unafraid and you know you are the best at what you do. And you kinda remind me of another dude I once knew. At first I payed more attention to the other because even though I loved watching you, I though you were arrogant, a playboy. The way you dressed and the way you acted in your videos lead me to assumptions. But then I read your lyrics…all of them. Now it is obvious to me that you are not a gimmick. All you have ever had to do to achieve what you have achieved is BE you.

I keep telling myself this is a mid-life crisis. As a matter of fact I know that’s what it is. It had to be you because had my daughters been in love with European or American stars I would NEVER become infatuated. I’d STILL be rolling my eyes and barely tolerating their fandom. Honestly I had no idea just how incredibly famous you are. I never had time to pay attention to such things. Now you have been pointed out to me though. You are just alien enough, just different enough, mysterious enough, far enough away to let myself feel a spark of interest.

I look at the art that you create out of your life in everything you do from your photos, to your videos, to your lyrics, your clothing, your jewelry, and your stage performances and I’m mesmerized and so bitterly jealous of you. You say things like “Hope is the parent of despair.” and I actually hate you for it because letting myself feel like a girl again after so many harsh years only makes me feel the sharp sting of NOT having my dreams fulfilled. You remind me what it was like to have hope, to actually believe that dreams can come true for everyone. They can’t. Not for everyone. Not for me. Not for my children.

I remember what it was like to be in front of the camera, to feel beautiful, to be alive with creativity. I remember what it felt like to go on all night art binges, to look on my creations with satisfaction and to get recognition from my artistic peers. I remember what it felt like to deprive myself of sleep to run up into the woods with friends and enjoy all of God’s creation. I remember what it felt like to be infatuated with myself, to feel sexy and strong and free. Now, at 38, I feel like a withered old woman trapped in a cage of her own making. It’s all downhill from here. Beauty is fading, strength is waning, energy lacking. I’m like poor old Jacob Marley carrying my unachieved dreams around my neck like heavy chains weighing me down and tearing me apart. It’s so much easier to just be resigned to my fate, to believe that suffering where I am is noble and beautiful. Damn you! I hate you for making me WANT again! But I don’t really. I admire you. I have a pathetic and definitely kind of creepy cougar crush on you. Seeing as how you are almost exactly in the middle of my daughter and I in age, it would be far more fitting for her to love you than me. Oh God I’m so creepy! Forgive me. I amuse and disgust myself because of you.

I guess I admire you because you’ve done it, you’ve achieved greatness at your passion, and I’m as proud of you as I am jealous. I’ve always admired and been drawn to passion. I think passionate people intimidate and scare me away though. Maybe I feel unworthy? Sometimes I wonder if you are happy with fame? If I could ever be happy with fame? I see the thousands of likes and comments on all your social media and I wonder if it ever weighs on you? I think about how I think I feel about you sometimes, which I am fully aware is just the creepy fantasy musing of an over worked, under payed aging mother of three living in a loveless marriage. I KNOW I don’t know who YOU are. But I know that the little girls really truly think their feelings for you are real. Their hearts are really breaking because they actually believe that the you they have made up in their heads is who you actually are. You must know the pictures and videos and even live performances will never be enough to satisfy their aching hearts. You must know that each and every one of them believes deep down in their soul that they are your soul mate and that if you only SEE them, you would know too? Does that ever scare you? Holy cow it would scare me! You can’t possibly answer them all, satisfy them all, meet them all, thank them all, let alone love them all! Do you ever feel a responsibility for breaking so many hearts? Or do you get off on it, does it excite you? It must be thrilling and lonely at the same time. I feel like I need to be alone in a crowd sometimes and that there are very few places left that you can go and truly be alone in a crowd. I enjoy strolling down streets and watching people. I assume that you can’t do that in very many places. Are you sure you want to be famous in America too? Don’t you want just a few places where you are still just some regular guy?

I also assume that we, you and I, are on opposite sides of the same problem…money. I’m in the gloriously wonderful spot of having none. I get up and go to work every day, I work hard, but it doesn’t matter. I’m still on the verge of loosing everything. I am feeding my kids, but can’t take them or myself to the doctor. I just lost a job that was covering all the bills, but after that I didn’t get paid for two weeks, and now I have a job that I like better than the old one, but it only pays half of what I was making before. I’m three months behind on my mortgage payments and my husband won’t finish school for another six months. I’m wondering when they will come take the house. Damn near 40 years old and still struggling just to put food on the table and keep my house. I’m aging. Fading, and I will never have the money to fix it. I can’t get clothes for my kids let alone for myself. I used to have the most glorious smile, but now my front tooth is yellowing and there’s not a damned thing I can do about it. I’m bitter and I’m angry at my husband for not taking care of me and the kids. I’m angry at myself for not being better, not being smarter, not trying hard enough, not making the right choices and I’m dying inside knowing that time is running out. I wonder if my kids will make it. If they will be successful. I can’t help them. I can’t help me. My husband and I are caged animals ready to devour one another. we barely even like each other anymore. I guess that’s why I make up who you are in my day dreams.

And that’s your problem. You have money, you are who you are and everyone wants a piece of it. But would they want you if you weren’t famous? Who would want you if you were as broke as me? I wish I had the answer. Probably not me. I’d probably be just as pissed at you as I am at my husband. I think the difference is though, that even if you were my husband in the same poor place that we are in, I think you would dance with me, even if I am bad at it, and I think you would write me love songs even as my youthful beauty fades, and I think you would still try to make me feel happy and carefree even as the world seems to be falling apart. But there I go again. Putting perfection on someone who is still just a man.

It’s time to stop being 13 and turn back to God for His perfect love, and it’s time to call the mortgage company and rest of the creditors and work out whatever it is that they are willing to work out or face bankruptcy. I can’t waste any more time feeling sorry for myself and wishing for you when you’re not even what I wish you were and even if you are, you wouldn’t want an aging American with three kids anyway. This mid life crisis stuff is no joke, especially when you’re poor. It amazes me that some people can have it all while others have nothing. I just don’t get it.

Asking Too Much

I had a boyfriend once, my first real long term relationship, my first…everything. Even toward the end there were times when I’d be talking to him and he’d be so mesmerized by how my mouth moved when I spoke that he’d forget to listen to what I was saying. He found me beautiful. I came across some letters a few months ago, letters that he’d written to me during a time of separation. The words… it was so obvious that the man loved me, that he cared for me, wanted me, admired me, was attracted to me and wanted to be near me. That ended badly as so many relationships do. We are all so damned human, but I’m dying for that again, longing so deeply for someone who loves who I AM at the very roots of ME.

I want someone to love the way I smile, who thinks my quirks are cute and funny, but won’t be cruel in their amusement, who can motivate me positively by simply wanting to take me, just for my company, out into nature on hikes and bike rides, jogs, climbs, trips and vacations. I want to be with a man who is happy with himself, confident but moral, who’s passionate about what he does and wants to lift me up and show me everything, but knows when it’s time for me to meditate on my own to recharge my introverted mind.

I want a man who views the art and jewelry I design with awe and respect, who creates a space and time for me to create it because he knows that I need him to and that it fills my soul with joy and without that, everything is dark and bleak and hopeless for me. He must speak highly of my art to everyone he meets! I want his eyes to light up every time he mentions my name! I want his admiration and respect for what I do to be plain on his face and in his actions.

I want a man who is passionate about leading me spiritually, who isn’t afraid or embarrassed to pray with me and for me no matter who is near to hear, a man who knows God intimately, who isn’t afraid to declare the fact that Jesus was not a white man, nor would He be Republican… or Democrat for that matter. Passionate conversations about Christ and the Gospel! Oh how wonderful it would be if he would pursue Christ and then come running after me!

I want him to hold my hand and open doors for me like my Dad always did. I want him to touch me lovingly but respectfully all the time. His touch should be reassuring and comforting and loving, never forceful or demanding.

He must be successful, but of course he would be because he’s so passionate about what he does, and he must be the most generous person I know, but responsible with his income as well. Every trip and vacation should be the perfect blend of helping others and relaxing. He must be a respected man, or his respect for me would mean nothing. I want a man who not only makes me want to earn his respect, but who helps me achieve it every day.

I want a man who views me as both a strong woman and also a delicate flower in need of loving care and affection. I want my man to WANT to take care of me, not because I need it, but because he feels I deserve it. He must not be bitter or stressed out about the responsibility.

I want a man who will lead me on an adventuresome, wonderful, fun, happy and content life.

Sigh…I’m asking too much. I don’t deserve it. Still, I wonder if he exists, if he’s real and out there somewhere waiting for me.