Trials.

Man. Things were starting to look up. I have a new job that I like despite the fact that I just want to stay home and make art and raise my kids and garden and work out. The pay sucks, but I don’t mind being there if I can’t be home, and I always say, “Some money is better than no money”. I missed two weeks pay looking for the new job and then I got SUPER sick a week into the job. I missed half a days work and it took about a month to feel almost normal again. I feel like all I’ve done in a month is work, sleep, eat a little and write on here when I’m awake. I’ve been so discouraged. I’m so far behind on the mortgage and bills I really don’t know what to do. My outlook was brightening with healing and reading positive messages, praying and trying my damnedest to be happy and forgiving toward my husband. I thought we had one last option to at least catch up on the mortgage if not the credit card bills and that was our tax return. Problem is, the ex-boss put the two months pay from this year on my 1099 so it looks like I made 6Gs more than I did, and then there’s the penalty for not having insurance last year despite having tried to apply through the faulty Nevada website three different times. I still don’t think the lady did the taxes right, but if she did, then we won’t get as much back as the fee is for the tax prep. So we’ll end up farther in debt. IDK what the hell is going on. I’m defeated. It’s my boys ninth birthday on the 11th and he keeps reminding me how many days away it is. I see absolutely no way to catch up on the credit cards, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to catch up on the mortgage. What will I tell the kids if they take our house? Where will we live that’s cheaper? How would we even come up with a deposit to rent a place? I pushed all my friends away. I don’t want to talk to any of them. We left our church for unrelated reasons and never clicked at the new one. Haven’t been in months. I’m so lost. I know I’m supposed to count it all joy when I encounter trials, but I don’t know how to be joyful right now. I know we won’t die, and I’m making the willful decision to trust God, but it’s not really bringing me any peace.

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5 thoughts on “Trials.

  1. Update: Got a ticket yesterday too! He thought I renewed the registration on the car even though he has always handled everything for both cars. What-the-F-ever. So now on top of AAAALLLLL that crap up there, I have to pay my registration plus late fees plus the ticket. I’ve got a whoppin’ hundred bucks in my account and I’m just done. I need that miracle now please? Cuz I’m in deeper than I ever feared I could get.

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